She looks like yours truly. In fact, she looks so much like me, save her forehead, that I think only my DNA was used for this child.
She looks like a mix of her brother and her oldest sister. For the most part she looks like herself...maybe the hospital gave me the wrong child. If so, I'm keeping this one. That is unless the other one is quiet, obedient, and does not feel the need to huff puff and scream at the word no.
These girls are 100% full blooded sisters. Does that surprise you? If it doesn't, then you are among the minority. They are quite the opposite in looks and attitude. I have been asked numerous times when I am out with just the little ones if they are both mine. Do you get asked that? Are you out with your kids and someone just happens to wonder if your kids are related and then have the nerve to ask?
Here's another test:
Other than sheer perfection in every way...as she would tell you about herself...she is the picture of her father with all my coloring. Quite a beauty queen, if I do say so myself. Which I am not saying so myself since you all agree...right? RIGHT?
Meet Northern Spy. Dark Brown, course...wavy to super heavy hair..maybe it would be curly but it's never long enough to really know. Tan skin and medium dark eyes. He is also super cute, huh? HUH...can't hear you?!
He looks more like my side of the family. Actually there isn't a stitch of him that looks like my husband's side, in my opinion.
When Geneva and Northern Spy were little, I would be asked by strangers, "do they both have the same father?" Have you been asked that? What gives someone the right to ask such a question AND in front of my children no less? I had people think that Geneva is my husband's stepdaughter. I had one person think that Northern Spy was my stepson.
Well, just so you all know, all four kids are 100% blood siblings.
I don't get the as many questions when I have all four out together. I am not sure why.
Am I offended by the questions, you ask? Not always. I am fully aware that Pink Lady and Honeycrisp could not look more different. I am also aware that Geneva and Northern Spy do not look quite like siblings. However, they look more alike and they look more like Pink Lady than anyone looks like Honeycrisp.
I find it hysterical that people feel the freedom to ask such personal questions. How would you feel if someone asked you, in front of your children, if they all had the same dad? How would you feel if someone stood next to you and asked snidely, "Is that her father?" Oh and the best one....several years ago before Pink and Honey, my husband and I were taking a walk with the kids. My husband was up ahead with my son while I was trailing behind with my daughter. An elderly white couple in a car, happened to be driving around. A few minutes later, my daughter ran ahead up to her dad. That same couple, driving by, slowed down and got my attention to inform me that my daughter was just up ahead. I look ahead...she was walking holding my husband's hand. You tell me what they were thinking...I have my own theories.
For the most part, I it doesn't bother me at all. We have been blessed to receive more positive comments than negative. However, it does make me wonder about people and the effect this will all have on my children. It's not pleasant when a white person makes a racist comment or joke in front of me and my kids, unaware my husband is black and that my children are 1/2 black. How do you think it makes my children feel? Did this person realize they just cut down my childrens' father and 1/2 of my childrens' culture? Sure, I can embarrass this person and train my kids that this is only ignorance. Yet, damage is done. I am not fond of ignorant people making my children feel they or their father is unworthy. I cannot say I am thrilled that someone questions where my kids came from or what my past involves. How would that person feel if I asked if her boobs were real or if she dyed her hair? What if I asked her if her children were all from the same father?
I knew having bi-racial kids would cause some raised eyebrows and odd questions. I'm not someone who cares what the world thinks anyway. I was not making a statement by marrying outside of my race. I married the man I did out of love not to change the world. I completely understand that it's unusual to see siblings who look so different . What I question is the freedom someone expresses by asking questions of my childrens' origins. I would never think to ask someone if their children all had the same father. When I married my husband, I was not fully aware of the effect it would have on my kids. Thankfully, these incidents are few and far between and my family is well received most of the time. Sadly, now that I have all the good comebacks and the ability to just laugh in the face of it...it doesn't really happen. The last time, I was asked, I had the two little girls with me and it was by a sweet elderly lady who complimented the kids. She then asked if both were mine. I don't mind the question I mind the condition of the heart that asks.
So, the next time you see a family that challenges what you learned in high school biology, just smile and nod. Or smother them with compliments and then ask your question...yes flattery forgives so much! :) (do I have to disclose that was tongue in cheek.
39 comments:
Beautiful kids! DNA is amazing, isn't it :)
The things that come out of peoples mouth never seem to amaze me. Next time they ask, say "No, all for 4 kids are from different men. I like variety."
LOL! Could you imagine the look on their faces?
Great article :)
Love this article! Your kiddos are beautiful! I can completely relate. I actually had a blogger ask if that was my kid on my back in my profile picture. They did it in a round about way but I knew that's what they were asking...LOL
I just take it all in stride and am so thankful to bring two beautiful and healthy children in this world. Right now they are super young but I worry how things will be when they get school age. Their older brother (my stepson) is white. He took pictures of his brother and sister to school and people were confused and didn't believe him! (we live in another state) Boy, I can't wait until the day when our kids no longer have to deal with issues like that!
I've always wondered why people ask questions like that also. My friend's little girl didn't have much hair when she was little, so she looked like a boy. One day when they were at the park a lady actually asked my friend if her little girl had cancer! I guess now one ever told them that not every thought that goes through the head has to come out of their mouth.
Amen! Gorgeous, all three. I have a friend who is very dark skinned, his wife is a blonde beauty, and the kids have lovely light tan skin - when he is out with them he is often asked if he is the "Manny."
My boys look almost identical to each other, and to their father, and I've also been asked if I was the nanny...
Richele,
I think, in the beginning, which is probably when it happens to many of us, I was offended. Now, I usually just let it roll and I keep going. What still does surprise me is that some people feel they have the privilege to ask any question of the sort and expect me to not be offended. Many would be quite surprised that they had offended me (in the past) because they were so consumed w/getting their answer. Turn the tables as you said (ask them the same questions) and they would probably look at you like you’re crazy. I guess they believe it goes w/the territory – when you create a multiracial family you open yourself up to the craziness; I can say that, they can't.
When I had my first son, I actually had an Asian woman (only specifying race because I really don’t think she was being racist, but rather was curious about such a sighting in America – I hope that didn’t sound racist) who chased me down around a lake (she was running). When she caught up to me, she started questioning me (many, many questions), “Is that your son,” etc. She was more amazed than anything else.
I think it happens regardless of the bi-racial issue. Many people think that one race only makes one race. My mother and her sisters (African Americans) are all different skin tones (a great range) and have different hair textures. When they were visiting internationally, they almost got into a “friendly” debate w/some people who didn’t believe they were blood sisters. They just couldn’t believe it was possible. There are no mysteries here. It is pure biology which isn’t always logical (no A+B=C here).
One thing I like to do is give the “one answers.” Some people try to lead into conversation about my children figuring I’ll start spewing information. Nope! Let the people squirm. It’s fun watching how they try to figure out the next thing to say to satisfy their curiosity.
Your children are beautiful, but you already knew that.
All your kids are so beautiful in their own unique way!
You should tell peeople that they all have different dads and see what they say. Then laugh hysterically. Leave them guessing :)
Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen. They are beautiful. My parents were same race and produced 2 brunettes with brown eyes, a red head with blue eyes, One blonde with green eyes and another with blue. A busybody asked my mother if my siblings, who were close in age all had the same father. She told her my dad was in the navy and that's all she said. The problem with rude people is that they are too ignorant to know how rude and ignorant they are.
First of all - each of your kiddos are gorgeous!!!!! My kids are all different looking too. Same parents and we don't even have the mixed race. (We do have one son who is adopted and bi-racial). So, people really get confused when they see us. LOL! So we have dark skin, dark eyes. A brunette with hazel eyes, and finally a blonde with blue eyes. My chocolate, caramel , and vanilla kids....
Someone once told me when I was out that I really should put sunscreen on my son - in April....he was 2 months old.
Someone else told my husband at Wal-mart that he was very forgiving after seeing our son. I can't even imagine having the audacity to say that....he loved it and milked it the whole time we were at the store.
Other people just stare and I don't care. I love watching them try to figure us out. :)
Your children are beautiful - all four of them. I must admit though, I was surprised when I read further and discovered that they were bi-racial. I even had to go back and look again!
To me there are definite similarities between your kids when all four are together. To me, your son and Honeycrisp are very alike. But then I wonder if that is just their colouring?!
There is a lovely poem about a little girl who is alternately accused of being just like mum or just like dad, but in the end asserts that she thinks that "I look just like me"! I think that is the case in your beautiful family.
People are so unthinking, aren't they? I shall remember this lesson. Thank you.
The idea of potentially getting asked this question was something I thought a lot about before I first got pregnant. Since having my girls I haven't dealt with this, but I can't be sure that people haven't wanted to ask. My oldest has my skin tone and crazy curly hair. The baby is darker with thin but wavy hair. They do resemble each other, but not exactly. It's hard to say what Aja will look like when she's a little older, since she's still so young and her features may change some. I think I would be caught off guard if I was asked if I was their mom, or if they had different dads, but it might also depend on who was asking the question. Regardless, our girls will know how much we love them whether they look just like us or like the mailman and his wife. You have a beautiful family and obviously there's lots of love there!
One of my sons is adopted, but looks just like us. He is only 4 months apart from our oldest biological son. Conversations with strangers go like this...."How old are you?" One replies "9" and the other says "9". "Oh, you're twins!" They reply that they aren't. So the person just stares at us. And stares. Until we break down and say one of them was adopted, but we never say which one. I did have one lady ask if my husband had had an affair and I was raising his "love child". Where do they come up with this stuff????
Your children are gorgeous, Richele. :) I'm glad you don't really let what people say matter to you much. But I do agree that people should think twice about asking questions/making comments in front of the children. Blame it on insensitivity or ignorance.
Beautiful children! Love your blog! I stumbled upon it via "moms bloggers club". Will continue to check back for new updates and posts!
http://reflectionsofanavywife.blogspot.com/
Beautiful children! I see the similarity in their eyes. I get "interesting" questions often because I am white, my husband is olive, our oldest is white, middle is olive and our youngest is black (adopted from Ethiopia). I get most questions when I'm alone with my youngest. And you're right, the attitude behind the question makes a world of difference! I love to respond with "Why do you ask?". It really kind of puts them in their place. And I try to counteract any offensive ones with what I say after to the kids.
Aren't my grandchildern beautiful? Light, dark, black, white, blue (I didn't see the movie, but I heard the people from Avatar are really nice.) But what's the difference? We are all God's childern. When Richele was little, with bright red hair and light pink complexion, we were asked many times "where she come from" or "what's the mailman look like". We would laugh about it, but it did get tireing after awhile. Back in those days people said a worse about mixed couples, in back or even in front of them, than they do today. So what people say now could be a lot worse and maybe someday, before Jesus returns, those kind of remarks will go away. It'a what you say and do in front of your kids that makes a difference in how they will turn out. My only complaint is we don't get to see the kids enough. I know Richele your only an hour and a half away, but sometimes it seams like a world and a half away. Love you all, Dad
Ha! People have asked me "are they your natural born children?" About as rude as "do they have the same father?" Also insulting is "you have your hands full". It bothered me so much at one point that I tongue-in-cheek named my blog it - http://ivegotmyhandsfull.blogspot.com.
They are all amazing blessings!
They're all adorable! My sister and I were always miles apart in coloring, but our mannerisms are so much alike that we'd often get people asking if were twins... which was kind of a laugh since I was four years older!
Your children are all beautiful! I have 4 daughters - two sets 10 years apart. The older girls are blond while I am dark brown. I always get asked where their blond hair came from. ummm, how about Daddy? We adopted the younger two, who have dark brown hair and olive skin like me. People assume they are my biological daughters and ask where the older ones came from! I never tell people the younger ones are adopted but you can see the puzzle on their faces trying to figure out how I could have two sets who don't look anything a like. I like to joke with my friends that I need to get two red heads for my next set! We need to complete our rainbow. :)
I know you're getting ready to be gone for awhile but I've got an award for ya on my blog! I'll be thinking about you and your family. Sending all my prayers, good thoughts and love your way! You're truly a great person and deserve the best.=)
http://mommys-freetime.blogspot.com/2010/05/you-are-my-sunshine.html
Hi Richele, just wanted to send you some good thoughts and positive energy. Your kids are adorable.
As for your post, I only have 1 child and yes I have been asked if she is mine as she is a red-head with blue eyes and I have brown hair and grey eyes. But the biggest comment I have gotten so far was "oh your granddaughter is adorable."
Hi Richele,
I wanted to come over and apologize for being so awful at contributing on your wonderful site. My blog has taken on a life of its own and I've been snowed under with it.
And that's enough of that.
I wanted you to know I'm sending you blessings and good karma and prayers and all things good. I'm so sorry for your troubles and I hope everything good finds its' way back to you. And those babies are simply and utterly gorgeous! Screw stupid people. They are beautiful.
I am constantly amazed by the questions and comments people will make without thinking of the impact. My family were out at a 4th of July fireworks display in 2006. My 10 year old was 6m my 8 year old was then 4 and my 4 year old was then 6 months old. My son started playing catch with a boy from another family. The boys mother and I got to talking. From out of there she said to me, my husband and I had children later in life, as well. I was 41 at the time and started my family at 34, so I was kind of taken back at what she said. Fortunately I've never had anyone question the kids pedigree before.
My kids all look alike, but I get the same question because we have five. Surely, I must be a daycare! I think a lot of people ask first and think later.
I keep hoping my kids will grow out of that, but a good many adults don't seem to have, so I'm not so sure. :)
Dear Richele,
Congratulations on being blessed with such a gorgeous family! When I and my two full-blooded siblings were young, one looked like an Arab, one looked Native American and one looked Irish. Our body types, eyes, skin and hair were all quite different. We didn't act alike either, and people were terribly curious about our assembled family. Now that my siblings and myself are past midlife, we all look more alike.
I think that, as people participate in "the great American melting pot", the different phenotypes pop up in different combinations, from one generation to the next. And sometimes, we get these little delightful surprises, when the appearance of recessive characteristics hearkens back to an ancestor perhaps forgotten in the mists of our family heritage.
As more families are created and assembled with dissimilar phenotypes, perhaps more people will get over their curiosity and treat you and your comely family with the respect you deserve. God bless you and your family.
Richele, beautiful children. Absolutely beautiful. I loved this post because while our situations might be slightly different; I get some hilarious questions regarding my daughter, Ella. - So I understand.
Thanks for this one. You are right on!!!!
You are not alone and it just doesn't happen with white or black couples. My husband and I have 3 kids and they all look different and we are hispanic. My husband was so blond and blue eye as a baby that people use to think his mom was his babysitter.I do get upset because our 2nd boy is darker than the other two and people do make their stupid comments. But, eventhough he might not look anything like my husband on the oustside they are identical on the inside!
Hi, stopping in from the Crew. Your children are beautiful. Two of my daughters have darker complexions than my other three daughters. Same parents, nothing different but God giving me a beautiful reminder of my mom to look at each and everyday. I like to say, they are all different flowers from the same garden.
I don't think that people do think of the impact of their words. My kids aren't biracial, but they are different. My girls look a lot alike, except for their age difference they could be twins. Then there is my son who has red hair, unlike the other 4 of us. So since his birth I've answered the same question from many people: WHERE did he get his red hair? I actually dyed mine to try to match after I heard that one too many times. When he was 3 I went to my Great-Aunt's funeral and noticed 90% of the congregation in the church had red hair just like my baby. Now when someone asks, I say "from me." If they still look puzzled I explain more.
Your children are beautiful. I like the picture of your daughter with the typewriter. I don't think my kids have ever seen a typewriter. :)
Welcome to the crew!
Our kids look NOTHING like us, so often I get asked stuff too...
Your littles are adorable! I am crazy about red heads (partial, I guess..LOL) but each are just darling!!
Thanks for a beautiful CHECK on bad behavior and sick minds~
hugs!!
your apples are beautiful, my mom went threw much the same stuff. she is black and i am light with loose curly red hair and freckles. the milk man's baby ect comments lol. My dad is black also, but he looks sopanish and has other mixtures in him.i still look nothing like my brothers and sisters, and we all don't look alike either. i love the nick names you gave the kids lol. apple themes. i am glad you are aware of the race issues they will go through, hopefully it will be easier in this day and age.
peace
Oh dear. My boys are of mixed race and ethnicity as well. I have been asked if I was the nanny. It is an insult to everyone when these types of questions are asked. First, it is no one's business and smacks of entitlement when people ask these questions outright. Okay, inhale, exhale. Know that you are not alone.
I love this one! I too have bi-racial children, I have never had anyone question their relationship to either me or my husband. However I would just like to state for the record that I really dislike my children being called "cocoa babies" they are not defined by the race of their parents IMO, they are defined by who they are as people and so many disregard that anymore. I for one think your family is beautiful inside and out, and anyone who questions their relationship for one another truly does not have a good grasp of what family means! Perhaps next time the little lady in the grocery store will remember what her mother taught her and "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" :)
P.S. I really think all the children look like their mother!
I only read Mama Ash's comeback comment. I would so use that one if my kids weren't listening.
Your kids are beautiful. I love your blog too. They are lucky to have a mom so involved in their learning.
Lovely blog and beautiful children. I am biracial and I was adopted, so I heard these comments a lot growing up. Once someone asked my mom if my sister and I had 2 different fathers. She snapped back that we had 2 different mothers too and stormed off. Now I am getting similar questions with my boys. My oldest is more olive skinned with dark hair and my new born has light hair and blue eyes. I really wish people would think before they asked rude questions.
What beautiful children! We are a mixed family as well. All of our (6)children have different hair texture, ranging from very tight curls to loose wavy curls. Our oldest son's has always been short, so I'm not sure what his is like. In my younger "momma" years, I was asked if they were mine. Now people just think the younger ones belong to one of my grown daughters when we are out. I'm not sure who they think I am, just some lady following them around, I guess. We are used to it and I don't take it personally.
You already have plenty of comments but I had to share a couple of cousin stories with you (we have a very multi-racial family!) One was from my cousin who is white and married to a black man. One day her daughter said, "Mommy, I think those people over there are whispering about me." As my cousin got up in arms and about to go give these strangers a piece of her mind, her daughter smiled and said, "They're probably talking about how CUTE I am!"
The other is from my white cousin and her white husband who have one blonde and very fair-skinned biological daughter, and two dark-skinned hispanic twins whom they adopted from Peru. Strangers constantly ask them if they adopted some of their children. Her husband points to the blonde one and says, "Yes, this one is adopted. Those two are biological!" :)
My husband and I are both white as are our kids. We had a helper (a young black man)who worked with our special needs boys for over 3 years who was and is still a part of our family. My daughters adore him, as do my sons and me and my husband. He is at every gathering we have. I introduce him as my adopted son and watch the eyebrows raise away. He jokes and says it is like we have our own "Blind Side" going. My 5 year old is convinced she will grow up and marry him. I tell her she can't because he is too old for her but I can only hope she will meet someone as good and kind as he is. and p.s. if you think people can be insensitive when you have bi-racial children, you should see what people think it is okay to say when you have children with special needs. You are right; it is an education, don't know any better issue, but all of these people need a lesson in manners! Great post! ~!Katie
I don't have kids yet. But mine will also be bi racial. I'm white with cherokee blood, and he is Mexican American. We both have light brown eyes. But I am obviously,white,he is very dark. Our kids are most likely gonna take his genes. But are any of my traits gonna show up? And is my family gonna go through what y'all go through? All because they are mixed? And what do you tell you're kids when they ask what race they are?
Richele, Your kids are very cute and very gorgeous! I'm a black girl in my junior year of high school and I believe that people have no right to judge anyone based on appearance. If I had children I'll be offended too. God bless you and your beautiful babies, in all of their originality. I love Pink Lady's hair, makes me wish I had red hair. I'm stuck with boring light brown(:
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